Spontaneous Combustion and Me

BOOOM!

For about two weeks in early 2001, I became convinced that I was going to spontaneously combust.

I suffered from insomnia.  This preceded any "suddenly bursting into flames" fears.  When I couldn't get to sleep, I would go back and forth between lying in bed, trying to force myself to sleep, and pacing about the house "dwelling" on things.

During the "dwelling" is when the spontaneous combustion idea popped into my head. It went from me recalling a episode of Unsolved Mysteries to "I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!"

 So for he next two weeks, I would pace about the house, waiting for my body to go "PFFOOMMMFF!"  Yes, "PFFOOMMMFF!"

Now, even then I knew that the evidence surrounding spontaneous combustion was pretty sketchy at best, and I also knew that even if it was real, my chances of suddenly bursting into flames were pretty low.  This didn't matter to my brain.  I was going to burst into flames.  They would find my leg and maybe an arm, and that would be it.

Why? Why me? Because the spiritual realm had it out for me, that's why.  I was God's own personal whipping girl.  I had figured this out when I was 13, and believed it for a long time.  If he was going to kill me in a big way, why not with fire?

So for the next two weeks I spent my sleepless nights, sitting at the kitchen table, drinking water and checking my temp, waiting for the inevitable "PFFOOMMMFF".  I thought about calling someone, but, I had "delusions" before, and I even I knew how nutty this one was. 

What saved me was the real drama in the house.  The events are bizarre, and scary enough that they deserve their own post, but I'll give a quick summation: my coke addled roommate finally broke from reality and became dangerously obsessed with my other roommate.  Among other things, he became convinced she was moving into a crack house in Lowell, and once "borrowed" my car for seven hours in order to go on a coffee run.

That will take a person's mind off going up in flames.  That and smoking a lot more pot.